A Leave at the Leafy Lodge
by Maisie Malfoy
Summary: With their church in need of repairs, the Barebones must spend some time in a hotel. Time spent, of course, with leaves, peas, and a rather opinionated leaf machine.
1. Day One

**Written for Dragon's birthday. We both know which conversation inspired this, so there's no reason to mention it here.**

* * *

No one could quite tell if what had happened was some sort of severe weather, an act of sorcery, or Mary Lou's leaf machine acting up again, but the church now had a giant hole in the wall, one that couldn't be stuffed with dampish bread and ignored until such an event happened again.

Mary Lou did not want to be bothered with any maintenance that couldn't be fixed with dampish bread, so she called someone in to deal with it. The hole could be fixed, the man told them, his eyes on the leaves littering the room. However, it would take a few days to manage that and a few smaller repairs, so it was in the family's best interests to stay in a hotel until all was repaired.

The Barebone children were immediately sent upstairs to retrieve whatever could fit in a single medium-sized suitcase. They were to bring only essentials, which brought to mind articles of clothing and items for freshening up. But their adoptive mother had a slightly different idea of what was essential.

When they returned downstairs with their suitcase, the vast majority of Mary Lou's leaves and peas were in bags by the door. For a few moments the children watched as she attempted to put Ivan the leaf machine in her suitcase.

"I don't want to be apart from you either, Ivan," she told him. "That's why I'm taking you with me."

It didn't seem that Ivan wanted to go to a hotel, as he spit a few leaves at his wife when she continued trying to close the suitcase over him.

Or perhaps the leaf machine simply couldn't bear to be somewhere he couldn't see Mary Lou, even if she would be carrying him the whole time. After about fifteen minutes of this, she decided this must be the case and hurriedly apologized to Ivan for even considering it.

This spectacle was one Credence, Chastity, and Modesty watched with, respectively, slightly exasperated, curious, and confused expressions. Once again, Mary Lou had proven that Ivan, her leaves, and her peas were the most important things in her life, and the most urgent requirements for a vacation. Even more so than clothing, supplies, and her children.

Once Ivan was set down by the door, alongside the bags of leaves and peas, Mary Lou suddenly decided that she might want to bring something to wear after all. Of course Ivan had to be brought along, as he simply couldn't be left alone for a few minutes or he might get lonely. And a lonely leaf machine was not a good thing at all.

Glancing at the place where the lonely leaf machine had been, the children wondered what exactly they were getting themselves into when they got to the hotel. Was a simple getaway too much to ask for?

X

The simple answer was yes, a simple getaway was indeed unachievable.

As soon as they arrived at their room, Ivan decided he wanted to sunbathe and unleashed a flurry of leaves until his wife told him they could go as soon as she decided on somewhere to put her premature baby peas. Most likely, Mary Lou was the one with such desires and Ivan was just malfunctioning as usual, but her children knew better than to say so.

The pool area wasn't very large, with only two rickety beach chairs and a single sign advising guests to swim at their own risk. Ivan was placed on one of the chairs, and he expressed his gratitude by spitting out more leaves, two of which dropped into the pool. Unsure of what else to do, Credence made to get into the pool. Unfortunately, his adoptive mother immediately stopped him.

"You're going to teach the peas to swim," she said, depositing a bowl of peas in his arms. "I won't have them drowning."

Credence had absolutely no idea how he might go about doing that. Peas simply did not swim or have any need to. But he knew he wouldn't be spared a punishment just because they were away, so he decided he could at least try.

Once Mary Lou was once again occupied with her leaf machine, per usual really, Credence turned to the peas. The smell made him want to begin to nausea, but he knew he wasn't supposed to nausea on his mother's peas. Or her leaves, several of which floated in the pool.

"How do you teach peas to swim?" Credence wondered aloud.

"Like this," Modesty suggested. She took the bowl from her brother and emptied it into the pool.

The trouble with this was that while some of the peas floated, or at least tried, many of them sank to the bottom. The children could feel the peas dropping onto their toes before rolling off onto the floor of the pool. And they could also feel their mother's eyes on them, telling them that they needed to pick up every last pea before they themselves ended up laying on the floor of the pool.

Retrieving the peas took an hour, and quite an unpleasant hour at that. The smell of peas was barely diminished by the water, which did not ease anyone's nausea. Credence volunteered to sweep the deep end so his sisters wouldn't have to, but when he surfaced, a leaf clung to his nose and mouth and quite nearly caused him to drown. Chastity went over to try and help him remove the leaf, but in the process, she dropped her armful of peas and he had to go back down and get them.

At long last, the floating peas were placed on a towel, as they already knew how to swim and did not need lessons. The ones that sank were put back in the bowl and given to Chastity so that she could prove to her mother that they'd recovered all the peas.

But when Chastity returned, she didn't seem half as relieved as Credence and Modesty had hoped.

"We forgot one," she informed them.

And once again they all had to search the entire pool for a singular pea.

Modesty was the one who found it, tucked away next to the pool ladder. She dropped it in the bowl with the others.

Still, this was a reminder that Mary Lou knew exactly how many peas she had entrusted her children with. She probably even knew their names. This meant that Credence's swimming lessons could not involve the loss of a single pea.

He took five peas and tried to place them in the water, but they all tried to sink again. Three additional peas did the same thing. Was it even _possible_ to teach peas to swim?

"Here," Chastity said, handing him a floating leaf and setting a few peas atop it. "Why don't you try this?"

It wasn't exactly the most conventional way of giving peas swimming lessons, but even Mary Lou couldn't argue with it.

X

After their foray into the pool, which all the peas miraculously survived, the Barebones decided to find something to eat. Ordinarily, this would have meant more pea soup, but Mary Lou had fortunately only brought her most special peas with her, and would never consider eating any of them.

Once she was suitably dried off, Chastity was sent to the reception desk to ask about dining options near the hotel. She came back with a hastily-scribbled note mentioning a few restaurants, as well as letting them know that the receptionist had a banana if they wanted to make use of it.

Rather than attempting to split a banana four ways, the family decided to visit the restaurant across the street from the hotel. The children could barely hide their grins. At a restaurant, no one could make them eat peas or dampish bread.

The restaurant, as it turned out, was just a small café with dingy curtains framing the windows and a waitress who looked like she would rather be anywhere else. But Mary Lou decided Ivan was too hungry to wait any longer, so this was where they opted to eat.

Credence, Chastity, and Modesty all made sure to order dishes that had very little chance of containing peas. Even their mother, they noticed, didn't seem particularly interested in consuming peas this evening. (Then again, it seemed peas were the only thing she knew how to prepare, so if someone else did the cooking peas were not required.)

The bored-looking waitress brought the five meals to the table, grunted something about hoping the food tasted decent, and left. Credence was just about to question the appearance of a fifth meal, but that was solved before he even opened his mouth. Mary Lou set Ivan on the table beside her, picked up a fork and began to feed him.

Usually, the children were the only audience when she felt the need to feed her leaf machine, and they were all very much used to it. But the café's other diners did not see such a spectacle every day, and Credence was painfully aware of the eyes drifting over to their table.

He felt Chastity's hand on his wrist. "Eat your dinner," she whispered. "We see Ivan get fed every day. Why is this any different?"

Though both he and Modesty were considerably more embarrassed than their sister, their faces tinged pink, they both eventually did so. But the silence that fell only lasted a few minutes.

When the waitress came back, asking how the food was, Mary Lou wasted no time in complaining that her soup had peas in it.

"It's meant to have peas, ma'am," the waitress responded. "Would you prefer it without them?"

"These peas, are they frozen?"

"No, we always use fresh fruits and vegetables in our-"

It was highly unlikely that the other diners wanted Mary Lou to rant about how fresh peas were still alive and had feelings and didn't want to be cooked into a soup, but that was exactly what she did. She didn't even notice when Ivan ate the fork in her hand and regurgitated six more onto the table. The leaf machine, unused to being ignored, ate a napkin and a strand of Chastity's hair before she sighed and continued his feeding.

The lecture didn't end there. Mary Lou proceeded to demand all the peas in the kitchen, insisting she needed to take them home and save them from a fate most terrible. At this point Chastity was just as embarrassed as her brother and sister, her eyes fixed on her plate as she reluctantly fed her mother's leaf machine. Credence was rooted to his seat, rendered unable to move, and while Modesty tried to focus on her own meal, she couldn't.

The waitress returned seconds later, slamming a small cup of peas on the table. "Now that that's over, I think it's time you leave," she said, voice barely concealing her disdain for those that had forced her into this situation.

Credence carried the newly adopted peas out in a napkin. It was the peas, rather than her outburst over them, that Mary Lou opted to focus on. "I didn't want to spend another moment there anyway," she said. "They have no regard for the rights of peas."

That was all she would say on the matter. After all, the new peas did need to be named before she could introduce them to the others waiting at the hotel.

X

Sleeping arrangements were promptly decided on. Mary Lou and Ivan would share one bed, Chastity and Modesty were given the other, and Credence would be sleeping on a blanket on the floor. The only question was where everything else would sleep.

Usually the premature baby peas were kept in their incubator until they grew bigger. But as no one remained to care for them, they had been brought along. They couldn't keep themselves warm, so that task fell to Chastity.

"They require your warmth," Mary Lou told her as she unceremoniously dumped the peas down her daughter's nightgown.

Chastity went rigid as she tried to balance the rolling peas, and she knew she'd be getting minimal sleep in her effort to avoid squishing them. Modesty quietly offered to take some, but by now their mother was busy with her leaf machine again, and they both knew there was no asking permission for her to accept some of the peas. Not unless they needed to tell her that Ivan was on fire.

With the baby peas comfortably snuggled against Chastity, Ivan softly spitting leaves onto his pillow, and the children as comfortable as they could get, the lights went off. Perhaps they might be able to rest a bit before doing it all again tomorrow.

That is, if Mary Lou didn't decide to canoodle with Ivan in the night.


	2. Day Two

**Don't ask why there's more of this. You really don't want to know.**

* * *

The night wasn't pleasant.

Within an hour, Chastity was horribly sore from remaining in the same position for so long. She was so exhausted her eyes couldn't stay open, but she knew that if she fell asleep, she would squish the premature peas. Those poor little peas that had never even had the chance to see the pea nursery...

As sleep finally claimed her, Credence was awoken by Ivan happily printing leaves onto the pillow, the floor, and his wife.

Which meant he was awake when Ivan slipped under the blankets, and when Mary Lou shifted him to rest somewhere he didn't belong...

Credence just hoped his sisters were still asleep. They didn't need to witness this. No one did.

X

In the morning, the children began to remove the peas from their clothing, push unwanted mental images from their minds, and freshen up for the day.

It took a while for them to have access to the bathroom because it seemed Ivan needed a bath. The leaf machine didn't seem to care either way, but he found himself shiny and clean anyway.

Meanwhile, Credence was given the task of removing the leaves and peas from everyone's clothing and shoes before they put them on. It wasn't easy, as Mary Lou's peas were rather skilled hiders. By the time he finished, Chastity and Modesty were just about done transferring the premature peas from Chastity's nightgown to their bowl.

With everyone up and dressed (which took Mary Lou longer than usual because Ivan kept trying to eat her clothing until she fed him a towel) the question was where they would find breakfast. Peas, the usual staple, were not an option. At the same time, the café from yesterday was not an option either. It had only led to the addition of forty-three new peas to Mary Lou's collection, and they were already drowning in peas.

The children began to look forward to going to another restaurant. But this time, they wouldn't be that fortunate. Their mother had brought along just enough dampish bread to serve as breakfast.

Credence, Chastity, and Modesty sat on one bed, a wad of tissues serving as their plate. Ivan was clearly very hungry, as he ate two slices before Mary Lou even began feeding him. Though he didn't seem to like the dampish bread. When his wife offered him more, he spit three pieces of it across the room, one of which hit Credence in the face.

He put it aside. Credence didn't want to eat any more dampish bread than was strictly necessary.

"You have to eat something, Ivan," Mary Lou told her leaf machine, which really did not want to eat dampish bread this morning. He finally resorted to throwing a tantrum.

Ivan began firing dampish bread like bullets as the children shrieked and dove for cover, seeking shelter from the onslaught of bread. Bread lodged itself behind the beds, overturned the lights, and went flying into the bathroom, where it landed in the toilet and became very dampish indeed.

Mary Lou attempted to calm her frenzied husband, but he was too hot to touch, and as she tried to think of how else to get through to him, he exploded, burying her in a pile of dampish bread.

It was only then that Ivan calmed down, emitting only two more slices before burping up a leaf and falling silent.

Modesty was first to emerge, crawling out from under the bed and shaking a piece of bread out of her sleeve. She saw Ivan sitting in a pile of dampish bread...along with everything else in the room. She couldn't even find Credence and Chastity amongst all the bread.

She decided to start picking up some of the bread to see if she might be able to find them under a pile.

Meanwhile, after Mary Lou managed to disentangle herself from her own pile of bread, Ivan ate a piece of bread and fired it at her. "Are you still mad at me?" she asked him, frowning at her leaf machine.

Ivan spit a leaf at his wife.

Maybe the leaf machine just wanted to be alone for a while. His wife disliked the idea of leaving him, but at the same time, they had just seen what happened when one decided to argue with Ivan.

X

To give Ivan some space, Mary Lou immediately shuffled the children out of the room, ignoring the piles of bread still covering every surface. She brought a bowl of peas with her, and Credence began to worry that he would be giving them swimming lessons again.

The good news was that after saddling her children with the peas and depositing them by the pool, Mary Lou left them alone to complain to the receptionist that their room was full of bread. The bad news was that even if she wasn't around, she would still always know how many peas were in that bowl, and if a single one drowned, Ivan would most likely be fed their fingers for lunch.

Having learned that overturning the bowl of peas and expecting them to float would end poorly, they looked around for something else that could help the peas float. Leaves had served as an adequate raft during their last swimming lesson, but the pool offered a distinct lack of leaves.

Modesty suggested they just get the peas wet and return them to their bowl, but her siblings immediately shot down the idea. They knew very well that it was futile to lie where their mother's peas were concerned. Besides, if they didn't learn to swim now, they could still drown later, and then they would have to attend a pea funeral.

Teaching peas to swim, they decided, was easier than creating a tiny coffin to bury a fallen pea.

With no leaves present, perhaps it might be a better idea to teach them in shifts. The three of them couldn't keep an eye on every pea in the bowl, but surely they could handle a few.

Credence removed five peas from the bowl and set them in the water. One of them tried to keep itself afloat, but when he put his hand out to catch any peas who couldn't swim, the remaining four landed in his palm.

Chastity and Modesty proposed their own solutions for getting the peas to float, but this didn't work either. Only a few of their peas floated. The rest threatened to land on the pool floor if they didn't catch them in time.

Exasperated, Modesty sighed, "Peas don't swim! We'll _never_ teach them to swim!"

That much was true. Even when they had managed to do so the day before, that hadn't been true swimming. The peas merely took a ride on rafts of leaves.

"If we can't teach them to swim, what can we do?" Chastity scanned the room for something to use to help the peas swim, but once again, she saw that nothing was present.

Their attempts at problem-solving were suddenly interrupted by a piece of dampish bread splashing into the water near them.

While they talked about how to keep the peas afloat, the children failed to notice that a pea had fallen into the water and was drowning. Mary Lou had noticed the drowning pea and decided the best way to solve this problem was to throw dampish bread at the pea to keep it afloat.

But a slice of dampish bread landed on top of the pea and plunged it under the water entirely. It was then that Chastity saw what was going on and rescued the pea. But one look at her mother's expression told her that there would be repercussions for nearly allowing a pea to drown.

X

Contrary to expectations, their punishment did not involve Ivan at all.

"I was going to take you somewhere for lunch," Mary Lou told them, setting the considerably calmer leaf machine on a table. "But since you forced me to waste the dampish bread, you can have that instead."

The bread littering the hotel room had already been cleaned up by the hotel staff, which meant that Mary Lou was referring to the bread floating in the pool.

Obviously, Credence, Chastity, and Modesty did not want to eat bread dripping with pool water. They hadn't even wanted the bread earlier, when it was merely dampish. But before Modesty could protest, her brother quietly reminded her of one thing. Mary Lou hadn't explicitly revoked their dinner privileges, and she appeared to have run out of dampish bread. If they simply accepted the watery bread for lunch, perhaps there was hope of ending the day with something other than bread and peas.

The children just fished the bread out of the pool and sat beside the water to wring it out and eat it. Though while they may not have complained, that didn't mean they liked it.

But at the very least, once they finished their lunch, they weren't made to continue the pointless task of teaching peas to swim.

X

The next several hours proved uneventful. Mary Lou left the children alone, telling them she needed to feed her baby peas.

It occurred to the children to go back inside the hotel and change into something dry, as they all agreed that they had spent ample time in the pool. Though when they truly thought of it, when was the next time they would have access to a place without leaves around every corner and the persistent smell of peas?

So they occupied themselves outside for as long as they could. Even if that mainly involved sitting around discussing how great it felt to be somewhere that didn't smell like peas, the conversation still did its job.

Just as things began to die down once more, Credence noticed the sound of Ivan printing leaves, gradually coming closer and closer until their mother and her husband appeared in front of them.

"Ivan needs something to eat," she told them. As if to confirm this, the leaf machine tried to eat her sleeve. "If you wish to come with us, you won't be dressed like that."

The hotel room smelled strongly of dampish bread, and Modesty had to pick leaves out of her shoes. Chastity tried to brush her hair only to discover that the hairbrush had managed to pick up a leaf. Credence picked up a pair of pants and peas came pouring out. But they managed to dress without disturbing too many leaves or knocking the premature peas onto the floor.

X

The restaurant the family decided to visit was around the corner from the hotel. Ivan unleashed a flurry of leaves when he saw it, and he didn't calm down until he was set down on the table, a napkin tied around him like a bib. "It looks like Ivan is tired of peas too," Chastity said when she caught her siblings staring.

The leaf machine was thrilled to be in a restaurant, it seemed. He happily ate a menu while his wife glanced at hers, then ate a spoon, decided he didn't like it, and burped it back up. Ivan would eat forks all day if he was allowed to, but for some reason he didn't like spoons. No one knows why.

Once again, the children made sure not to order anything that risked containing peas or dampish bread. Even when they doubted there would be peas, they still confirmed this with their waitress, a woman whose name tag read _Abigail. _Their mother did the same, perhaps not wishing to have to name a cup full of peas like she had the previous night.

A short while later, Abigail brought their food, including whatever Ivan had decided he wanted. He spit leaves in gratitude when she placed his plate in front of him, two of which landed in Chastity's (pea-free) soup.

Though Credence tried to focus on his dinner instead of his mother's leaf machine, Ivan was more active today than he had been since they left. He ate his fork while Mary Lou was feeding him, then ate her fork. When Abigail returned, Mary Lou asked her for a new fork, but Ivan just ate that too.

Feeding a leaf machine with a spoon was rather difficult and slightly messy, but at least he had no interest in consuming those.

And still he printed leaves. He dropped one on Modesty's plate while his wife wasn't looking.

"Do you have to throw leaves in my food, Ivan?" Modesty muttered as she set the leaves on a napkin.

He responded by throwing leaves at his wife instead. Twice, he launched exactly six leaves at her.

"Now is not the time, Ivan," Mary Lou told him.

Ivan was not quite satisfied with that answer. He only grew more insistent until Mary Lou rose from the table and picked him up, telling her children something about how Ivan needed to use the bathroom.

Credence, Chastity, and Modesty finished their dinner and allowed Abigail to clear their plates away. But a few minutes passed, then a few more, and there was still no sign of Mary Lou or her leaf machine.

After some deliberation, they decided to send Chastity to the bathroom. Most likely, Ivan had just slipped and nearly fallen into the toilet, meaning he needed a full-body scrub, but you never truly knew.

Chastity approached the door of the restroom, knocking, but there was no response. There was no indication that anyone had even gone inside at all. How could anyone possibly explain that?

"Excuse me," someone said, interrupting Chastity's reverie. She recognized the speaker as Abigail, who appeared interested in using the restroom.

It occurred to Chastity to warn her, but this forethought came too late. Abigail peered inside and got only as far as, "Ma'am, what are you-" before a sudden impact left her bleeding from the mouth.

She left the door ajar just enough for Chastity to make out what was going on. Judging by the handle-shaped imprint on Abigail's cheek, Mary Lou had hit her with the leaf machine. Not only that, but after using him as a weapon, Mary Lou put her husband where he had been prior to the interruption, giving Chastity a decent idea of what was really going on...

She didn't have to say anything when she returned. Credence could infer almost everything from the way his sister was beginning to nausea.

X

Apparently, Abigail had gotten the manager, who promptly ejected Mary Lou and her leaf machine from the dining establishment, telling her in no uncertain terms not to come back. These people did not understand the needs of mechanical partners, and they all needed to drown in pea soup.

(That was what Mary Lou had to say about the incident, at least. It simply never entered her mind that it could have been prevented if she had only waited a half-hour. Or locked the door.)

After the events of the day, Chastity fell asleep as soon as she closed her eyes, no longer quite as concerned about the premature peas. Modesty didn't even bother to shake the leaves out of her nightgown. Ivan tried to eat a pillow, but Mary Lou seemed too tired to care.

As he tried to fall asleep, Credence wondered if the next day might bring more peace than the last.

No, it was futile to hope. Deep down, he knew that was about as likely as his family being able to eat out without being banned from the restaurant.


	3. Day Three

**Yes, I did it again. But it'll all be over soon.**

* * *

At some point in the middle of the night, Credence was awoken by a foot landing about two inches from his face. Just after he went back to sleep, it happened again. Both times it was followed by the bathroom door opening and shutting, then the sound of nausea. Then came the sound of leaves printing.

Either Ivan had eaten something he shouldn't have, or Mary Lou required a companion in nausea.

For a while Credence lay awake as a trip to the bathroom occurred every few minutes. As the sun rose, he saw that it was in fact Ivan who wasn't feeling well. But when Mary Lou eventually grew tired of taking him to the bathroom eight times an hour, she set the garbage can beside him and told him to nausea in there.

Credence could hear the sounds of Ivan's nausea as it splattered into the can. It was clear the boy wouldn't be sleeping tonight. (Neither would anyone else. A sick leaf machine required constant attention.)

Ivan had been sick before, usually from overheating or other complications related to excessive use, but never like this. Usually he could at least keep water down, but he sprayed that across the room when it was poured into his opening. And his fever was so high that Mary Lou had to wrap him in a towel to avoid burning herself on his surface.

After several hours of listening to Ivan regurgitate food, leaves, and even part of a fork into the garbage can, Credence decided to get up, freshening himself up in the bathroom that still smelled of bread. Three pieces of dampish bread were still hiding under a towel.

He gave them a wide berth. After the previous day's bread explosion, he didn't trust Ivan not to produce inappropriate amounts of bread.

By now, Chastity and Modesty had risen, seemingly aware that further sleep was impossible. Still, their eyelids drooped in drowsiness, and Chastity looked so tired she dropped an armful of baby peas onto the floor.

The three children immediately got to work picking them up. Like them, Mary Lou was probably also exhausted from her night of caring for Ivan, but not to the point of failing to care where her baby peas were.

Even with the bathroom door closed, the sound of leaf machine vomit splattering into the can was audible. Credence sighed.

They may have been on vacation, but that didn't mean they could catch a break.

X

As soon as the children finished in the bathroom, Mary Lou immediately shooed them out the door to allow her to give Ivan her undivided attention. Considering the fact that the leaf machine was simultaneously throwing up and trying to eat the curtains, this was a wise decision.

Modesty expressed her desire to go to the pool, and her brother and sister followed her there. But it was only when they saw the leaves floating on the top that they realized something. Mary Lou hadn't forced them to bring the peas.

(That didn't mean, of course, that the pool area didn't smell like peas. But at least the smell wasn't as strong as it usually was at the church.)

All was well for the first few minutes the children spent in the pool. The water was the perfect temperature, and the weather was relatively nice. And since Ivan was so sick, it wasn't very likely Mary Lou would show up with a list of inane tasks. But about half an hour into their swim, Credence noticed a very strong, yet very familiar smell.

By now, he was very much accustomed to the scent of leaves. It was his job to rake the existing leaves into piles so that Mary Lou could continue to leaf the church that was already buried in them. He shook them from his clothes, picked them out of his food, even swept them out of his bed at night. He had almost forgotten what the floors looked like underneath the layers of leaves.

And now here they were, clogging the pool filter.

There was no proof that the leaves in the filter belonged to Mary Lou. She'd never mentioned having any missing leaves, or the children most likely would have been made to search every inch of the hotel property for them. But there are only so many times you can walk in on your adoptive mother having a tea party with her leaves before you too begin to believe they have feelings and don't want to be in a pool filter.

"There are leaves in here," he said when he noticed his sisters' expressions.

"Okay," Modesty replied, entirely unbothered.

A part of him felt that he too should ignore the leaves. But Credence could almost hear their cries of pain.

At least Chastity didn't inquire further when he asked her to help free the leaves.

X

The good news was that the leaves were freed.

The bad news was that the filter, like Ivan, liked to eat fingers. And Chastity's hair.

Chastity was so used to Ivan going in for his favorite snack that she barely paid the clump of her hair floating in the pool any mind. But the filter had left both her and her brother with bleeding fingers.

They decided to go back to the hotel room to see if there was anything they could put on their wounds. Collecting Modesty and setting the rescued leaves down outside the pool, the three of them made their way to their room.

Ivan seemed to be doing a little better. Sometimes he would weakly spit up a leaf from his place resting on a pillow, but at least now he wasn't splattering his food everywhere.

The only visible treatment for their injuries was some warm water and soap, both of which were located in the bathroom, where Mary Lou had apparently decided to spend some time in the bathtub.

Credence and Chastity shared a look. They weren't supposed to interrupt their mother's bathtub time. On the other hand, she tended to be in there for hours, so there was no telling when they might get the chance to treat their cut fingers. If they were quick about it, maybe she wouldn't care as much.

As it happened, they didn't even need to worry about it. Several bottles of pea moonshine lay on their sides on the floor, and Mary Lou barely spared the children a glance. They were able to treat their fingers without an explanation.

They were just glad of the fact that it worked. Perhaps if they had truly been thinking, they might have realized another concern was still present.

With their bathing suits discarded, the children began to put on their regular clothes. But it was a good thing they got them on when they did. As soon as Modesty, the last to finish, got her shoes on, Mary Lou emerged dripping wet from the bathroom, stood in the doorway for a moment, and then left the hotel room.

Under most circumstances, this might have been viewed as an opportunity to spend some time away from her. But it was obvious that she had been drinking, and her drunken trips into the city never ended well.

Chastity immediately got up and led her siblings out of the room, in an effort to find their mother before she had a public underwear moment or twisted into a pretzel on the street corner and refused to move. But she did leave a bowl in front of Ivan in case he needed to nausea while they were gone.

After all, he would probably be alone for a while.

X

After a short walk, the children managed to track their mother to a restaurant a few blocks away. It was a bit nicer than the places they had eaten the previous nights, and the children were suddenly glad Ivan hadn't been invited.

Unsure what else to do, they sat down across from Mary Lou and decided to look at their menus. Since she'd brought them here, they may as well have something to eat. Something without peas or dampish bread, which they'd had enough of to last a lifetime.

They placed their orders, and finally managed to enjoy a rare moment of peace. A meal without peas was on its way, and while Mary Lou was still dripping wet, and appeared to be attempting to talk to a napkin, she had not yet become a pretzel. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

Of course, that thought was suddenly shattered when Mary Lou stood up, stared into space for a moment, and then began to nausea all over the table.

Modesty rose with a shriek, diving out of the way to avoid the putrid green puddle. But Credence and Chastity couldn't get up fast enough, and watched in horror as it began to drip into their laps.

Seemingly oblivious to the fact that she had just nauseated on her children, Mary Lou reached for the buttons on her dress, perhaps deciding it might be fun to remove it. But in a sudden movement, Chastity seized her arm and steered her out the door, her siblings trailing behind her.

X

Despite Chastity's valiant efforts, Mary Lou didn't seem to have much interest in returning to the hotel. She didn't seem to know where she _did _want to go, so they ended up taking a walk.

They walked past the church, where the large hole seemed to be mostly filled in. They passed the store where Mary Lou bought all her peas, the corners where Credence had handed out leaflets with fingers numb from cold, and a toy store Jeanne had taken the children to once. But it was on a seemingly insignificant street corner that Mary Lou suddenly ordered they stop.

Without thinking, Chastity briefly let go of her, and that was all it took for her adoptive mother to collapse into a pretzel.

Credence felt his face flushing as he knelt beside her and began to unravel her limbs, flinching when she succeeded in kicking him. With his sisters' help, he was able to remove Mary Lou from her pretzel form.

But this time, once she was unraveled, she refused to get up. Even when Chastity tried to pull her into a standing position. she just shook her off, apparently perfectly content to just lie down on the sidewalk.

It was starting to get dark, and the children knew they would be out all night if they just waited for her to decide she wanted to get up. Besides, they still hadn't had anything to eat, and Modesty muttered something about being hungry.

It was then that Credence remembered something Jeanne had told him once, about how when Mary Lou was little, she would just pick her up and haul her out of places whether she wanted to go or not. It wasn't an ideal solution, especially with the hotel being two blocks away, but it was probably their best hope.

-x-

The walk took about twenty minutes. About halfway through, they had had to reposition Mary Lou so she couldn't aim a kick at anyone's ribs, but it was too late. Credence could tell a bruise had already formed.

When they returned to the hotel, Modesty opened the door, and Credence and Chastity deposited their mother on the bed. She was asleep by the time Modesty placed Ivan next to her.

The children exchanged a glance. After all that, they didn't have anything in the hotel room that was actually edible, Credence's injury was beginning to hurt again, and he and Chastity still wore vomit-splattered clothes. This was far from a pleasant evening.

As Ivan, who seemed to be feeling a bit better, began to eat the pillowcase, Credence decided to go to the bathroom to change out of his soiled clothes. While there, he discovered that a good part of his chest was covered by an angry, purple, foot-shaped mark. But when he reached for a towel, something else fell onto the counter.

Credence, Chastity, and Modesty didn't really want to eat dried-up dampish bread for dinner, but it was all there was. There wasn't even enough for them to have more than one apiece, and it barely alleviated their hunger, which they still felt as they settled down for bed.

So much for a decent meal.


	4. Day Four

**This is the end, my friends. But fear not, for more insanity is on its way.**

* * *

When Credence woke up, he couldn't tell if it was from hunger, the throbbing pain in his ribs, or Ivan's habit of waking up in the middle of the night. The leaf machine had eaten his pillowcase, then spent about an hour trying to wake his wife up. When that didn't work, Ivan settled for making a clanging sound that woke everyone up _but_ his wife.

Forcing himself to ignore the way his chest stung whenever he moved, Credence went over and picked up his mother's husband, intending to take him to the bathroom where he could gorge himself on his family's used towels without waking anyone up. Ivan thanked him for this by firing a bar of soap he had recently eaten into the exact place Mary Lou had kicked him the night before.

_"Ouch_," Credence breathed out through clenched teeth as he bent over in pain. It took him every ounce of strength he possessed not to drop Ivan, although he could have sworn the machine was amused. After that ordeal, he just thrust a towel into Ivan's opening and left him in the bathtub.

After setting the machine down, he returned to his thin blanket on the floor, trying to settle back into sleep. But though Credence made every effort to avoid accidentally lying on his injury, it was much harder to fall asleep than it had been earlier. And soon enough the sun began to rise, its light leaving stripes across his face.

Soon enough, he could hear the rustling of leaves as Modesty woke up, blinking sleep from her eyes and swishing leaves out of her hair. Before long, Chastity joined her.

By then Credence decided he might as well give up on getting more sleep. He pushed himself upward, fumbling in the sunlight for his clothes. He picked up Chastity's dress, Mary Lou's underwear (which were immediately thrown to the floor in an effort to get away from them), and a random bathtub egg. Credence wasn't quite sure why someone had packed a bathtub egg, but he left it in the bathtub in case Ivan wanted breakfast.

Of course as soon as the egg was placed, Credence was reminded of exactly how hungry he was, having eaten nothing but dampish bread the previous day. Before he was truly aware of what he was doing, Credence retrieved the untouched bathtub egg. Still though, he knew his sisters hadn't had anything to eat either. And with the amount of moonshine Mary Lou had consumed the previous night, it could be a while before she felt up to getting out of bed and feeding her children. So, albeit a bit reluctantly, he split the bathtub egg in two and offered it to his sisters.

Both Chastity and Modesty grimaced at the taste of bathwater eggs filled with mashed peas, their faces twisting as they forced their mediocre breakfast down. Suddenly their brother was glad he chose not to eat it.

With everything else taken care of, the only thing left to do was wait for Mary Lou to wake up so they could go home and eat. Even if the day's menu would probably consist of learning exactly what dishes peas could be inserted into.

X

It took another two hours. And even when Mary Lou did wake up, it was only to suddenly lurch and nearly miss the nausea bucket Modesty barely had time to throw in front of her. By the time Modesty, wrinkling her nose, took the bucket back, her mother was asleep again.

This was going to be a long, long morning.

As soon as Modesty entered the bathroom to dump the bucket into the toilet, Ivan suddenly got excited at the sight of her. Either he wanted human contact or understood that a bucket full of vomit probably meant his wife was awake. But after narrowly avoiding being nauseated upon, Modesty wasn't sure she wanted to interact with something that would undoubtedly nauseate upon her.

So she just pretended she hadn't heard anything, dumping the bucket into the toilet and flushing the contents. Unfortunately, Ivan hated being ignored, and decided to rectify the problem by attempting to fit the bathtub faucet in his mouth.

In time, with a little help (and hair loss) from Chastity, Ivan got what he wanted - both girls' undivided attention as they pried the faucet out of his mouth, and then dropped him on the bed beside his wife. But at least he managed to awaken Mary Lou, gently nibbling upon the fragments of leaves in her hair as he waited for her to decide she wanted to get out of bed.

When that time did come, Ivan appropriately impeded the process by trying to devour Mary Lou's dress while she wasn't looking, and when that failed, he settled for vomiting into her shoes, causing her to demand Chastity's shoes. The church was only a few blocks away, but still Chastity didn't look forward to returning home in her socks.

(She was eventually allowed to borrow her mother's vomit-filled shoes. Chastity weighed her equally terrible options before deciding to accept them, but she got the distinct impression Ivan was smirking at her.)

The mixture squished into her skin with every step, and for the first time in days she began to smell peas. But Chastity didn't want to seem ungrateful, so she tried to ignore it as she followed her family out of the hotel.

X

The second they stepped through the door, Mary Lou stuffed the suitcases into Credence's arms before going into the closet to play with her baby peas. Ivan dispensed a few leaves in a silent plea for her to come back, but Chastity just stuffed a towel in his mouth and went back to cleaning the vomit out of her borrowed shoes.

Once Credence had dropped everything into the washing machine (which took a while because he kept having to strain leaves out of the suitcase), he went downstairs to look for something to eat. Even if his only options were dampish bread and week-old pea soup, at least it could hold him until Mary Lou decided she wanted to make dinner, which could be well after dark.

It wasn't until he began his search that he came to a startling realization.

The Barebones had planned to go shopping the day after they ended up leaving for the hotel. Obviously, that trip had never been made. Because of this, there was almost no food in the house, other than some hardened brown substance that Credence was pretty sure had been in there since before Modesty was adopted, and the peas littering the floor.

"Can we eat something now, Credence?" Modesty startled him out of his reverie. "All I had was half a bathtub egg."

Her brother stared at his shoes. "I-I'm not sure," he admitted, opening the icebox wider to reveal how empty it was.

But upon hearing this, Modesty's face lit up. "I know what we could eat," she said.

"What?"

Before the word was even out of his mouth, she was gone.

He intended to follow her, to thwart her perceived plan of cooking her mother's peas, but stopped himself when he heard her voice again. "Hello, Grandma," she said. "I'm sorry to bother you, but we don't have - oh, you're on your way?"

Credence couldn't hide his smile.

X

Jeanne arrived at the door an hour later, her arms laden with several bags. Ivan announced her arrival with a flurry of leaves as the children went to greet her. Fortunately, after several decades of dealing with leaf machines, Jeanne was prepared, and offered him an onion. Unused to receiving actual food outside of meals, the leaf machine was more than happy to accept his treat.

As soon as she had hugged all the children (although Credence had to try his utmost best not to wince), Jeanne turned to them. "Now, I'm going to put away our dessert so it won't get too warm. After that, we'll talk about whatever it was you needed."

Without even knowing it, Jeanne had just found the problem without even being informed of it. As soon as she opened the icebox, she saw it was empty. Upon further examination, she found a cupboard containing half a handful of oatmeal, and nothing else.

"Mary Lou!" she shouted, and the children shared a look.

Jeanne made an immediate beeline for her daughter's pea closet, seemingly entirely unsurprised to find her there. "Mary Lou, would you like to tell me why there is no food in this house?"

Mary Lou shot her a look as she picked up a baby pea and shook it out of its diaper. "Not now, mother," she said, sounding thoroughly irritated. "You're disturbing the baby peas."

"And _you _are disturbing your children. Again."

She tried again, trying to assure Mary Lou she just wanted a simple explanation of why she hadn't gone shopping recently. But by now Mary Lou had taken to ignoring her, pointedly looking anywhere but at Jeanne as she spoke.

"That's enough," With a bit of effort, Jeanne managed to haul her daughter into a standing position. "Since you aren't going to listen to me, Mary Lou, you're going to go spend some time in your room."

Wordlessly, Jeanne deposited Mary Lou in her bedroom with the air of someone who had done this many, many times before. She stepped back outside ten minutes later with leaves haphazardly shoved down her dress.

"Grandma...?" Credence trailed off, his question dying on his lips.

"Don't you worry, my dear. Grandma will take care of this."

Reassured by their grandmother's presence just as much as her words, the three children allowed themselves a moment to relax. A delicious meal would soon be served, and perhaps Jeanne would stay long enough to read a bedtime story.

X

In minutes, Jeanne was hard at work, and soon a heavenly aroma mingled with the persistent smell of peas. Credence, entirely unused to having meals without peas, had no idea what his grandmother was preparing for dinner, but found himself willing to accept whatever it was after years of pea soup and dampish bread.

Modesty too was excited, bouncing forward as she impatiently awaited her food. Even Chastity, who was feeding leaflets to Ivan to keep him from getting too excited, seemed to fill with anticipation.

After a short while, Jeanne entered the room, her eyes on her grandson. "You're welcome to have a seat now, Credence," she offered. She said the same to Chastity and Modesty, then told her daughter to, "Put your clothes on and get down here."

Six places had already been set at the table, and it seemed Jeanne had brought along some flowers from her garden for a centerpiece, almost as if she had known she would be preparing dinner. It was the same table Credence had eaten at for years, yet it was a surprise to see it without a pile of leaves haphazardly thrown across it. He looked over at his grandmother, who was telling his mother that they weren't having peas that evening and that she needed to go sit down.

After everything that had happened in the previous days, especially the bruise that had picked this very moment to flare up, it comforted Credence greatly just to be in the presence of his grandmother. To sit beside her and eat a carefully prepared meal, one that wasn't full of peas, soggy from being in the bathtub, or both couldn't take away his pain, but for now it would be enough as Jeanne set a plate of food before him.

She had prepared her spaghetti, which wasn't something any of the children had had since the last time they had been allowed to visit Jeanne's house. The sauce was an appealing red, and the meal actually smelled good, not like Mary Lou had hidden surprise bathtub eggs in the meatballs. It even tasted good, which Credence had long ago learned was a rarity.

Ivan, who enjoyed making a mess, let his wife feed him a few bites before regurgitating sauce everywhere, but as Modesty licked the sauce from her sleeve when no one was looking, they saw Jeanne's expression was one of disapproval. "Eat your dinner, Mary Lou," she said. "The machine can wait. Goodness knows he was eating the entire time I was preparing the meal."

Reluctantly, Mary Lou set the fork down. Ivan did not appear to appreciate their guest taking his wife's attention away from him, so he unloaded a pile of leaves in Jeanne's lap.

Credence watched as his grandmother just brushed them away. "So you like to throw leaves," she remarked. "As does your wife. You truly are perfect for each other."

Before long, the family had managed to finish the first uneventful meal they had had in several days. No one had been vomited upon, or had to remove Ivan from their fingers, or even had to eat peas. And for dessert, Jeanne had even brought with her a chocolate cake. None of the children had had cake since Chastity's birthday, and even that was a pea cake. Modesty even grinned until Mary Lou gave her a look. "What are you so happy about?" she asked her. The little girl's smile immediately faded, but this didn't seem to have diminished her excitement.

Jeanne, who hadn't seen any of this, proceeded to cut the cake and offer a slice to everyone at the table. (Ivan initially seemed upset that he wasn't offered any, but Jeanne told him to finish his dinner first.) As for Credence, he and Chastity shared a look as they took their first bites. They didn't speak, but their meaning was clear. _How nice it is to have a treat that isn't green or dampish._

Ivan resigned himself to finishing his spaghetti, although Mary Lou did feed him a forkful of cake when no one was looking. To his dismay, however, he only got one. Chocolate cake was one of the few foods Jeanne could think of that her daughter actually liked, or at the very least wasn't likely to throw on the floor and/or insist was her new friend.

While the leaf machine finished his dinner, Jeanne got up to clear everyone's plates away (and get Modesty something to wipe her mouth on). Deciding this was his best hope of catching her alone, Credence followed her.

"What is it, Credence?" Jeanne inquired. "This won't take long, I shouldn't be needing help."

"Um, Grandma," Credence trailed off, trying to figure out how to word his next sentence. "I-I just...thought you should know..."

He wanted to tell his grandmother that his ribs were beginning to hurt again and he wanted some help, but Credence knew she would ask what had happened, and he didn't think he could get away with just telling her he'd fallen. Jeanne wouldn't believe him if he told her his mother did it. In all the time he'd known her, she'd never suspected a thing...

"Could you read us a bedtime story?" he asked instead.

Jeanne smiled at him. "Of course I will, dear," she said. "You go on up to bed, and I'll be there in a moment."

X

As soon as he told her what Jeanne had said, Modesty decided she too wanted to hear a story, and Chastity decided to join them. At first, Mary Lou wanted to bring her baby peas to listen in, but apparently too many of them had wet diapers, so that was the end of that. None of the others were sure how to tell if a baby pea had a wet diaper, so they didn't ask and left her to it.

Trying to be as careful as possible, Credence managed to change into his pajamas and settle himself on the edge of his bed. Modesty pressed herself against him, and Chastity sat just below them on the floor, rubbing a sore spot at the nape of her neck. Apparently Ivan was still hungry.

Soon their grandmother arrived, book in hand, as she sat down beside Chastity so that everyone would be able to see. "I'm sorry if the book isn't to your liking, children. I've spoken several times with your mother about providing appropriate reading material, but to no avail."

All Jeanne had been able to find was a Bible, which she had contemplated reading to the children until she found another title hiding underneath a pile of leaves. It was the latter that she opted to read.

"I'll tell you how the leaves came down," Jeanne read. "The great tree to his children said."

She told her grandchildren the story of the baby leaves, and of their last day of playtime before settling down to sleep for the winter. It sounded in places like Jeanne could tell the story even without words to guide her, but she did stop every so often so that the children could see the illustrations of leaves on the pages.

"You read that to Mother when she was younger, didn't you?" Chastity remarked, evidently in thought.

"Every night for fifteen years," Jeanne confirmed as she closed the book.

The story wasn't long, but it was enough to exhaust Credence, whose head had found his pillow as soon as his grandmother finished reading. Modesty barely tried to stifle a yawn, and Chastity had somehow ended up leaning on Jeanne.

"I do think it's time for bed, my dears," Jeanne was saying as she steered Chastity and Modesty into the hall. "I'll be with you in just a moment."

Credence felt his grandmother placing a blanket over him, and that was all it took for the Obscurial to fall asleep rather than collapsing from exhaustion.

Most likely, it would be the same thing again in the morning, with his mother shouting at him and forcing him to eat pea soup. But for a few days he'd gotten a little break from some of that, and his grandmother had helped with some of the rest.

It would never be enough to ease his burden, but for now it could help a lot.


End file.
